These days in Brazil, our kids often delay striking out to live on their own. I notice how this fills parents with conflicting emotions.
On one hand, we want our kids to be mature enough to live alone, or with friends or a partner. On the other hand, as “helicopter parents,” we want them close to us. Always.
As a mother, I realize that I am a bit guilty of these paradoxical actions and emotions. For instance, when my sons wanted to live alone, I miraculously found an apartment right next to theirs!
This dichotomy causes consequences. It can fuel an overly extended childhood, especially if we are unable to clearly define limits, and coexist as adults in the same household.
In today’s world, I believe that if our kids are living at home, with a steady job, they should absolutely contribute to living costs. This seems crucial if we want to create a space, in which grown relatives live in a positive environment. Through this, our kids understand what the costs of living actually entail. This is the only way that they can evaluate if they are ready to assume this kind of responsibility.
I also believe that this allows usto establish a mature relationship with our kids, a relationship in which we speak openly, with mutual respect, while truly valuing each other’s opinions.
However, what we must not dois treat them as adults when it comes to splitting living costs, and then treat them as kids, when they come home late or take friends to their bedroom.
I propose that we look at our relationships with our children, or nieces and nephews, and link this to the business world.
Why is it that we want to discuss our business projects with employees from generation Y, and yet we often don’t believe they should be promoted? We can act as coaches to this youth, but they need to grow. Once, someone told me that truly “trusting” means taking risks. It means dedicating oneself. This can be dangerous, especially if it becomes excessive, and so the ideal is to find a balance.
So we must look at these two worlds. The household and the workplace, and observe how we act in such different ways in these two realms.
During my talks, I often refer to these two worlds, and speak about how we actively try to separate them, so that we don’t have to give the “empowerment with accountability,” that we give in the household, and then deny it in the workplace.
The other important question is that parents must be good parents, but they cannot be overprotective. Who says that parents can only be good enough and cannot rise above and beyond that? If we want our kids to grow, we must encourage them to fly.
A French film, Va, vis e Deviens (Go, live, and become), holds in its title what I believe we must give our kids. The “go,” is the most difficult to say, in the household or in the workplace. Freedom is not something we simply give. Rather, it must be stimulated and cultivated. In the end, their challenge is also ours. We must accept that they actually do grow up.
