By Manuela Mesquita
I’ve always thought of my mother as a baby boomer, but a baby boomer who doesn’t fit the stereotype. My mother introduced me to e-mail, even though I’m part of generation Y. My mother got on MSN chat before I did. She knows way more about computers than I do. I always relied on her knowledge whenever I had any doubts! She downloads music onto her cell phone. She’s always updating her computer with the latest software, and yes she’s on Orkut! (Brazil’s leading social network.)
She’s very present in my life. She tells me to update my pictures. She leaves comments and messages for me in cyber space. She doesn’t have a blog (yet), but I won’t be surprised the day she creates one.
Yet in the past few days, I’ve gotten concrete proof that some things go beyond the cyber world. Culture and the way people have been raised, ends up creating a gap between baby boomers and Gen Y.
A friend of mind has just lost someone very dear to her. The wake will take place in another city. I couldn’t be with her at that moment. I didn’t know how to act.
The first person I thought of in this situation was my mother. I didn’t think twice, I called for help. Immediately she told me,
- “In these moments, only a telegram will do.”
- What? Tele what?
You know, that thing people used back in World War II. In a few words they had to send a very succinct and expensive message. That’s what my mother was talking about!
I didn’t burst out laughing simply because I was going through such an emotional moment. She continued explaining that sending my condolences through the Internet would be extremely indelicate.
I decided to send flowers, along with a card, to the site of the wake.
But I still wasn’t satisfied. How could I be certain that the right person had gotten the flowers? Would my friend know just how much I wanted to express my solidarity? How long would the flowers take to get there? I logged into Orkut, and found that people had left several messages. Now, I’m against this. I find it really morbid. But I couldn’t resist the urge to speak to my friend. So I sent an e-mail, expressing my feelings, and asking if she had gotten the flowers. In less than 5 minutes I got a “thank you” e-mail, sent via Blackberry. I finally felt at peace. At least my message had been delivered.
As far as my mother’s surprising advice goes, it reveals just how much communication has changed. Yes, an e-mail is impersonal. It’s impersonal, and it’s not the most well-mannered way to go about expressing my condolences. But this isn’t important. What is important is that my friend got the message, and that my message seemed to help her.
What I take from this whole situation is that for us, Generation Y, it’s important for information to flow, and to arrive at the right time. We haven’t stopped using our common sense or etiquette. But in this case, the message I was sending would have had no value even a day later. Timing was extremely delicate.
How would I have known that she had gotten the telegram? And if I had sent a letter, it could have gotten lost. Why risk it when we have all this technology?
To generation Y, it would have been rude not to communicate right away, especially since there are so many different ways to get in touch! I do understand my mother’s perspective, and she’s incredibly modern for her generation. Still, culture is culture. Even the Internet or social networks can’t bridge this gap, at least not as quickly as we’d like.
Gotta agree with mom on that one. Don’t be so cheap and tacky. There is even a web site iTelegram (seriously) that send actual real telegrams — family is one area where you don’t take the cheap & easy way out. At least not in my culture (Brazilian).